MXMO: From Crass to Class

What is mixology monday? Basically it’s a “booze thunderdome”.  I don’t think Tina turner is making drinks here tho. Unfortunately. I didn’t know about this until about a week ago, so don’t feel bad. All I know is there’s a cocktail theme every month, people get excited, fitted vests are pressed and some crazy shit goes down. This month’s theme comes from Scott Diaz of Shake, Strain & Sip: ‘From Crass to Class’. Basically its ‘Pretty Woman’ but in cocktail form. Maybe I didn’t understand the assignment but that’s what I based the entirety of my drink on. In fact, I named my cocktail “Hooker with a heart of gold(rum)”.

I’m from Long Island, NY and we know a thing or 2(hundred) about crass. you dont believe me? ride the LIRR from Babylon Station to NYC on the weekend. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a Malibu Bay Breeze being ordered or counted every drink that had Rose’s grenadine in it, I would have used it to tip the bartender while giving them an empathetic nod. so what better tools to use for this challenge than those preferred by my lovely ladies?!


Had to buy a bottle (a small one) of Malibu rum for this as I am far too pretentious to keep it around these days. Add to that some Rose’s grenadine, canned pineapple juice and Capt Morgan and we have the recipe for the biggest headache and potential hangover you’ve had since that spring break in sophomore year of college.


I’m sorry. I can’t. I just CANNOT use this grenadine. I mean its meant as a coloring agent and to induce diabetes, right?  So I swapped out the “grenadine” for some Aperol and Peychaud’s to maintain that color; Getting some bitters into this was all but guaranteed cause DAMN this Malibu is sweet. I mean, it might as well be simple syrup. Not to mention weak. 21% abv?! And people get drunk on this at nice weddings and Caribbean islands all summer long?! Luckily the capt Morgan is 100 proof but that guy can’t be trusted.


3/4 part Malibu Coconut Rum (21% abv)
3/4 part Piña syrup*
1 part Aperol (11% abv)
1 1/2 part Capt Morgan 100 proof spiced rum (50% abv)
1 dash of Peychaud’s bitters

*Piña syrup:
1 cup canned 100% pineapple juice
1/4 cup grated ginger
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
boil. simmer. cool.
add 1/4 cup lemon juice. Stir and bottle.

Shake it.
Double strain into a martini glass.
Garnish with a lemon peel and enjoy.

There it is. Babylon Station. A classy looking drink, somewhere in between a Piña Colada and a Malibu Bay Breeze (for the love of God) that made me reminisce about velour track suits, loud drunks and home. Give it a go. Chances are if you’re reading this, you know better than to make it as is, so in all fairness, I Would recommend you try this drink with minor variations:

1 1/2 part Sailor Jerry’s spiced rum (46% abv)
1 part Piña syrup**
1/2 part Aperol (11% abv)


1 part Banks 5 Island rum (43% abv)
1 part Piña syrup

**Piña syrup (the right way):
1 fresh pineapple. chop up about 2 cups of it and juice the rest
1/4 cup grated ginger
1 cup RAW sugar
1/2 cup water
boil. simmer. cool.
Add 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice. Stir and bottle.

Shake em all up. Double strain and garnish with a lemon peel.

Indian Summer

3 parts rum [ Banks ]
1 1/2 parts young coconut water [ Vita Coco’s need not apply ]
1 part velvet falernum [ the boozy kind ]
1 part cranberry compote
1 part fresh lime juice
dash of allspice

Im telling you right now: this is not a drink you’ll make often. you may never even make it again after your first go. So why the fuck did you add it in the first place??!! you ask; so politely. well, its pretty looking. and sometimes in life, thats good enough. Ladies, am I right?!
This cocktail is great for learning how to balance flavors and textures in a drink. Not long ago, I didn’t know much about ratios and control when making cocktails. Which meant I followed recipes as written, without question. PRO TIP: Dont follow cocktail recipes and expect to love them just the same as the person who wrote them. Experiment (like you did back in your sophomore year in college) and tweak it to your own liking. How will you make something truly yours otherwise?

How to:
Take the fresh coconut water [ don’t forget to scrape up all the good stuff from the inside as well. more on that in a bit ] and pour it into your mixing glass
Add the cranberry compote, the lime juice.
Take a couple of pieces of the coconut meat you scooped out and add it to you mixing glass. muddle that to extract the oil from the coconut. [ extra points if you’re brave enough to muddle the limes used as well ]
Add the rum, falernum and a tiny dash of allspice.
Shake it and serve in a collins glass filled with crushed ice.
[ Enjoy ]